The Nectary, week 1: Manifesting a pop-up relational practice center

Forming the organ systems of a new body

This article is the first in what will hopefully be a series of practical updates, giving friends and colleagues a glimpse of what’s happening at The Nectary.

The mission

To create a pop-up residential community for research and teaching where the “how” is as beautiful as the “what.” The Nectary strives to celebrate the luminosity of each soul, generate a strong and coherent group field, and enable the cross-pollination of different bodies of wisdom.

The basic setup

With the support of a friend and early resourcer, we secured a five-bedroom house for the group to live and work in. With the support of some further gifts, we had enough money in the bank to feed everyone for a week or two after landing. We chose to host this first iteration in Victoria, BC.

The people

When the vision for The Nectary came through me almost a year ago, I brought together a group of eight people (+ a baby) to co-hold it with me. Over time, this group came to be called ‘Hosts.’ Each person is essentially dedicating themselves full-time to the work of The Nectary while they’re here. We are:

• Dechen

• Zen, my spouse + partner of twelve years

• Tyler, my collaborator in weaving the maternal gift economy and nonviolence into our network; co-visionary of a network of centers for sacred living and training

• Cheryl, my collaborator in the Church of the Intimate Web for the past two years

• Xavier, my friend + Cheryl’s husband and collaborator; founder of Orbital Studies magazine

• Garrett, my collaborator in Lyric (our 2-year, nearly-weekly Circling quartet); co-visionary of a network of relational training centers

• Tara, my collaborator in Lyric; multi-disciplinary artist and teacher

• Ty, my collaborator in Lyric; poet, writer, facilitator

• Io, Cheryl + Xavier’s 7-month-old baby <3

We’ll also be visited throughout the month by friends and guest presenters — Tyler’s partner Samantha Power; our colleagues Sabra Saperstein, James Baker, and Sam Hinds; and my teachers Geoff Fitch and Abigail Lynam.

This week’s primary tasks

We had two basic tasks this week; each is a significant undertaking:

• come into coherence and harmony as a group

• build the structure and systems of The Nectary from the ground up.

Although many of us have been collaborating for years, and the field of The Nectary was seeded eleven months ago, we couldn’t truly do this work until we were together under one roof.

By structure and systems, I mean things like:

• economying: what kinds of experiments and agreements we’ll enter into as we share money and resources (e.g. housing, food, cars, event expenses, labor, child care, time, attention)

• food: how to understand and organize the sacred work of nourishing the group

• baby care: how to support Cheryl, Xavier, and baby Io with gifts of time and attention

• daily and weekly rhythms: making choices about mealtimes, work times, and rest times

• internal practices: creating recurring anchors that ground our research as a Host group

• external offerings: narrowing down from our vast field of creative potential to choose the workshops and teachings we’ll offer the community in Victoria

What we came up with

• Economying agreements: We held several sessions working through questions such as: What will we embrace as belonging within the Nectary ‘prosperity and risk pool’? What is right for us to each give and request?

• Research questions: Each Host is holding a personal inquiry question that will shape their research and practice.

• Liberation pods and impact sharing: We’ll gather a couple of times each week to examine the liberation edges we’re working, and to digest challenges we may be having with each other.

• Subtle bodies anchor: Tara is stewarding the group towards daily embodiment practice and regular check-ins.

• Cooking rotation: Garrett offered us an incredible gift by serving as Tenzo for the week. For week 2, we’ll do a cooking rotation inspired by Cheryl and Xavier’s annual canoe camping trips with friends (“The Nectary Goes Camping”).

• Io care signups: We held Io Care Camp to learn the basics of caring for Io, and can now sign up for slots to care for him.

• A schedule of external workshop offerings: We created a calendar of events, and are now moving into producing them.

• A daily schedule, including three daily blocks for meetings and events.

Some key takeaways for me

• To achieve what we did in such a short time is a testament to the high capacity of each person present, and the high degree of trust we have established with each other over the past two years (or more). Importantly, each relationship has been tested over time by some degree of adversity. Many of us have experience giving each other difficult feedback and/or being in conscious conflict.

• Co-creating systems with a group is more energy and time-intensive than just unilaterally designing them. And, my sense is that this results in wiser systems and a deeper sense of shared responsibility.

• The diversity of strengths and perspectives in the group really allowed the concept of the “specific source” to shine forth this week. This week, Tyler was leading on economying; Garrett was leading on food; Cheryl led on retreat design and scaffolding; Xavier led on research questions in collaboration with Tara; and each person took responsibility for the event(s) they’ll lead throughout the month.

• One of the things I’m most proud of so far is that the field is strong enough to hold the emotional movements of what different people are going through — in the context of the project, but also in the broader context of our lives. Each of the friends I’ve gathered here is a leader; it means a lot to me to create a space where leaders feel held. Including me!

• It’s amazing how much joy, pleasure, meaning, and fun it brings to have a baby in the mix. It’s also a lot of work, so it needs to be factored into the overall labor of the group. Cheryl and Xavier are responsible 24/7; as others spend time caring for Io, it frees up

• This post barely scratches the surface … but I need to ship it because we’re already well into Week 2!

We would love your help

The Nectary is an experiment in the gift economy. Our housing, food, and other shared costs are currently being supported by people who believe in what we are doing. If you’d like to join them, you can support us here. Thank you <3